sknird ygrene

 Located between four enclosed walls from 7am to 2pm, students in the United States of America wake up every morning and fuel themselves with a mysterious potion, sknird ygrene. They come in all sorts of brightly colored metal cylinders painted with the most unnatural colors to be found in nature. Once poured out, they resemble the color of urine, yet students constantly keep drinking them with no remorse.

Each potion is filled to the brim with chemicals that the drinkers themselves don't even know the names of. Mystical ingredients such as guarana and taurine comprise this drink of poisons, which is continued to be consumed all for a wake-up call — 200 mg of stimulants to keep the consumer awake, especially during the seasons of trials and terrors that plague the school year.

At one point, the student will jitter from the sheer intensity of the potion's wake-up call, lose sleep, and feel uncontrollable. As consumption increases each day, so does the necessity of the daily poison. The amount that once caused uncontrollable movement is now almost ineffective to the user. They need more and more to feel the same wake-up call they once felt.

One day, the user may want to stop drinking such poisons. When this day comes, quitting will feel near impossible. The students' bodies have become accustomed to the boost of caffeine, and they will not know what to do without it.

The big men of the nation, in their suits and ties, will use tricks such as mimicking natural fruits and flavors in these poisons to ensure that once a user begins, they can never leave.




Comments

  1. Hi Advik, I bet this piece was very relatable to some people! (Eric Wang). I liked the picture you included, and I like you compared sknird ygrenes to potions.

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  2. I love how you used vivid imagery to make energy drinks feel almost mythical and dangerous. The tone really pulls the reader in and makes them rethink something that usually seems totally normal.

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  3. Great blog! I really liked how you underlined how we continue to drink energy drinks knowing that they contain chemicals that probably deteriorate our bodies. You also replicated the voice of Horace Miner very well – I wouldn't be surprised if someone told me this was pulled from Nacirema.

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  4. This satire strongly criticizes student caffeine dependence and corporate influence. However, calling the drinks only “poisons” oversimplifies the issue and weakens the argument.

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